linkage resplendence: My walk with Jesus?who I was and who I am now |

Rebecca 1971

The defining moments in my life had everything to do with the love of God. Jesus was present in all of the little and major things that have happened to me and I wanted to take the time to share this with you. Sometimes it is very important to understand where a person came from to understand ?WHY? they write what the write, say what they say, and do what they do.

As I was growing up, before age of twelve, I was raised with a hint of??Catholicism?. My Father and his family were Catholic (not that I saw him that much) and my step-Father was Catholic (family attended regularly). My Mother was not Catholic and neither was her family. Her family was Baptist and non-practicing Greek Orthodox (similar to Catholic).

I was baptized Catholic at age seven by my Father and Step-Mom. Her parents were my Godparents who were also Catholic. I lived in Milwaukee, WI which is a highly Catholic surrounding.

Rebecca 1977

Sadly, I learned nothing about the Catholic faith even though I was supposedly Catholic. The most I learned about Jesus was from my Grandmother-my Mom?s Mom (Baptist). She was a warrior for God. Life did get in the way for her but at least she planted the seed of the Truth in me which would turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.

Every time I would go over by her house, all the way up to when she died in 1994, she would ask me ?Becky, how do you get to Heaven?? I would answer her like she taught??Through believing in Jesus Christ our Savior. That He died on the cross for our sins, rose again, and went to Heaven and will come back again!? My Grandmother would only let me in IF I answered correctly!

When the whole family on all sides did not practice what they preached or had nothing to feed me with, she did. She warned me of cults, told me what to ask a church (same question) and made me think of Jesus at an early age. She believed that I would be the one that help the family after she died. I am not sure if I have done so but I do know that I love my Mother and care for her and I raised my children with Jesus.

When I was sixteen, I cried out to my Grandma because I was seriously depressed and did not know where to turn. I was very suicidal! I called her and she told me to read the entire book of John. I began to read and I started off silently reading, to reading out loud, to singing the scriptures. This was the first time that I ?FELT GOD?! I was filled with the Holy Spirit and did not understand what happened. I called my Grandma back up crying with joy and she explained to me that I had just let God into my heart and He had confirmed that He was listening and was there.

One of the verses that stood out to me, not because it was the first, but because it was Truth was John 1:1-2

John 1

New King James Version (NKJV)

The Eternal Word

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ²He was in the beginning with God.

I asked God, WHAT was the WORD and WHO was with Him? I went on to read ⁵And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend^[a] it. I wondered if I was IN THE DARK.

I went on to read?.⁷This man came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all through him might believe.

So I understood way back then that Jesus was God and Jesus was the light in my darkness and I needed to see Him, Love Him, know Him if anything was ever going to change in my life.

Just prior to this I had been empty and I got a knock on my apartment door from a couple of Jehovah Witness?s. It was very interesting what they said me?.?If you are lost, we have a logical solution that will be right for you!? I thought to myself that this was the answered. They were very nice and they picked me up to go to the Kingdom Hall quite a few times. The problem was that they never asked my Mom if they could do so and that they did not tell me what they believed even though they said that they had a logical solution. Nevertheless, I stopped going because I could not wrap them around my head. It did not seem right and God was not about being logical it was about having or starting to have a real relationship with Him.

Through my teens I dealt with many things. From serious depression, suicide attempts, drug use, alcohol use, 3 near death experiences, mental/emotional/physical/sexual abuse, lack of leadership by me, caring for my Mother, and wondering about my Father. I always wondered ?Why ME?? I lacked Faith, Trust, Love, and Hope for the future. I am so glad that God did not give up on me and that He was there to rescue me from this turmoil when it really mattered! I should have been dead!

From rape, molestation, beatings, drugs, major car accidents, witnessing immoral behavior in my own home, to being so insecure and trusting no one?I just did not know where I was going. I was destined for failure and had no hope. Life was rough!

Rebecca 1990 age 19

Though I knew for certain who God really was, I still did not trust Him or anyone else! Sadly, I only turned to God when I was lost and never really celebrated Him when things were good.

I partied and did sinful things for awhile and did not care about the world or anything in it even though Good brought people into my life that spoke the truth and showed the truth like the McFarlen Family who took me in in California with my 1st husband Bob. When I moved back to Milwaukee I left him and started to party hard.

In the year from September 1993 to August 1994 everything I knew that was good or bad would change me forever. In September 1993 my Grandfather died of lung cancer. This was not my first death that I saw for teens were dying all around me, however, this is the first time I had to deal with a death in the family. Two days later my Uncle died in the same hospital.

In March 1994 my Grandmother (same side), the only one I thought to be close to, who taught me everything about God, passed away of a heartache. Her 11 year fight with cancer was over. I died inside that day and would have a new respect for life?so I thought.

In June 1994 I tried to commit suicide. I at this point lost the only family I really knew, walked away from my marriage, and felt so alone. I listened to Melissa Etheridge that night, took hundreds of narcotics, Valium, and codeine, and did not call anyone UNTIL my stupid cat bit me in my arm so hard that I was bleeding everywhere. He woke me up enough to change my mind and call for help.

Needless to say, I woke up in the hospital with tubes shoved down my throat with charcoal. I died 2 times, one time on the way to the hospital and the second time in the hospital. I woke up to my Mother?s friend, her son, and seeing the paddles close by that started my heart again.

I thought to myself, ?I saw darkness, no light, no God, no nothing! How could this be?? Well, when you try to take your own life, you will not see anything! At least, not then! It took about a month to get my barrings back.

In August 1994, I received a phone call that my dear cousin Eileen had killed herself. Her and I were very close when we were young. We were both the same age? out of all of the cousins. We hung out ALL of the time when we were young. How could this be? I was shocked but I understood the despair that she was feeling. I still pray to this day that the Lord will understand her serious pain and let her see the light when it is time.,

A year went by and I gave birth to my daughter Kaytlin. Her Father had been horrible to me and left me for another woman..enough said about that drama! Two years later I gave birth to my second beautiful daughter Kelsie, and again, left behind to raise now two children on my own. I did not know what I know now which is, if you decide NOT to do it God?s way you will end up facing your consequences and I surely did!

The great news about this time was that God, once again, sent people into my life to show me God?s love. I was taken care of when I was homeless with Kaytlin and grew in my faith years later to be able to count on God more after Kelsie. However my worldly journey was not over.

During all these year I dealt with my Mother being a serious alcoholic. It started when I was 13 and peaked when I was 16-29 years old. I felt like the Mother to my Mother. I was always waiting for that day that she died. Sadly, I am still waiting but not because she is where she was but because she is dying a slow death with stage four COPD and other problems at age 60.

Married to 2nd Husband Ron 2000

In the year 2000, I married my boyfriend Ron of 8 months! He accepted not only me but my two daughters with all of his heart.

At first I tried to sabotage my relationship because I was waiting for the shoe to drop and for him to leave me. But he stayed (FOOL just kidding).

He was and is everything to me! He helped me become the woman I am today. He was open to God and to family. He brought to me some a real need of goofiness and helped me not be so serious!

Our marriage started off on a rocky road with our cake falling out of a van,?DJ not showing up, to getting my monthly friend the night of our wedding. I figured if this was the worst, compared to my life before him, no big deal! Well, I found out that every real marriage must go through challenges together.

The first month we were married, Ron got in a serious car accident. He hist a dump truck going 40mph. He survived, THANK GOD! Soon after this we got pregnant with our soon Michael in 2001 right after 9/11 which was horrific Birthday for me. Soon after that Ron cheated on me and it dragged on for 12 weeks. Needless to say, I was more devastated at this point then ever before!

I prayed to the Lord that He would give me the strength to forgive Ron. I remembered all I did wrong before him and remembered that Jesus forgave me so how could I not learn forgiveness?

This is getting quite long, sorry, I will try to condense this?

In 2003 Ron and I had owned our own home for the first time and then got pregnant, unexpectedly, with TWIN DAUGHTERS! We were shocked at first but we knew that it was gift from God! We started planning for the girls, named them, and had the room almost done by the 6th month of pregnancy. Then our world, as we knew it once again, would take a huge turn for the worst! The girls died in my womb. This was so devastating to us. So many things from that point on would absolutely change us forever.

I delivered the girls within a week, buried them,?and morned. I did not know what to do with all of these hopeless feelings. I felt like someone literally took my heart out of my chest and fed it to the dogs. My life, at the time, made no sense at all.

Around the same time my?Mom?s ex?s girlfriend gave birth to a baby boy born around the 4th month on?a bed. He weighed less then a pound and was born to undeserving parents who drank and did drugs. I just did not get it!

I?through myself into a mode that was typical for me and that is ?Ignore the Truth mode?. I started a world-wide grieving organization for parents who lost a child called Heavenly?Angels. I engulfed myself with this and did not pay attention to my husband or living children.?I went on to pass the Still birth law in Wisconsin so everyone could get a birth certificate for their stillborn child.

One day about two years later, my husband had had enough! He picked up my computer and Thur it against a wall. That was the day I woke up! I gave up the organization, sold the house, and would spend the next year getting counseling.

2006 seem to bring more hope. I became much closer with God, went to church, got closer with my husband and family. I started to work from home with a MLM company to help pay for a headstone for our daughters Olivia and Abby, pay off 60K in debt, and finally use my God given talents in a positive way that would benefit Him and my family.

This year, I also?was ?Born Again!? I gave my life to Christ and was baptized. It was absolutely amazing how far I had come with God?s grace upon me. What I did not believe what the?Pastor had said to me coming out of the tub was ? Now, Rebecca, just so you know Satan is going to attack you because he wants you back!? I thought, well, he had me for 38 years and there was not much more he could do to me that would shake me! Wrong!

Satan did go on the attack but Jesus said ?I AM!? I remembered what I learned years ago and what I continued to learn:

?John 8:12: Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, ?I AM the light of the
world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of
life.?

I knew this but did I really give trust to God? I allowed satan to mess with me for the rest of the year in 2008. Sadly, I kissed another man, my husband & Jesus?forgave me. I boasted about my success, Jesus forgave me. I argued and fought, both Jesus and my husband forgave me. Satan did not reign in my life for long but long enough to try to mess it all up.

Finally, I told satan to? MOVE ON BACK! JESUS RESIDES HERE!? Since then anything that has happened, my business falling flat on it?s face, Ron loosing multiple jobs, hospitalizations, anxiety, economy, etc, was given to the Lord to handle!

2012- Now, I AM with Jesus! 100%! No one or thing can shake me! I am His child and He is who He says He is! My life has not ever been better. I do not obtain things, I am not out of debt anymore, we are not rich, but we do not want for anything but Jesus Christ.

Will I always be correct? NO! WIll I come off harsh some times? Yes! But do I have the love inside me to help where ever I can to whom ever Jesus wants me to? YES! Everything I do is out of the pure love for Jesus Christ. I do not boast, I do not ask for anything in return, I would give the shirt off my back for you. I will forgive you as I hope you will forgive me when I am being human or stupid. I will tell you the truth when you do not want to hear it as I would hope you would to me. I will not only be your friend but I will also be your Sister. Sisters fight but they do make up. We will not always agree on everything and we might challenge each other in the hope to help but we will make up and realize that what is the most important of all commandments is to LOVE one another as Jesus loves us!

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I was unable to share everything with you but I hope you get the gist of my walk. I pray that all will take the time to get to know someone and where they came from so you know when they are sharing something with you? you will really understand their intentions.

May the Lord Jesus Christ bless you has He has us!

Rebecca